I am not qualified

There is so much about hosting our 2 teenage girls that I feel equipped to handle. I mean, it wasn't all that long ago that I was a teenage girl myself, so I've got a leg up there. Plus, my first job straight out of college was caring for 12 High School girls at a residential living facility called Mooseheart. I can cook meals for hungry girls. I can help make sure they are dressed appropriately. I can listen to the incessant talk about their periods {and trust me, it never ends}.

Basically, I feel pretty able to actually keep teenage girls alive.

But ministering to their soul? Helping mend their broken hearts? 

Yikes.

There have been so many sweet, supportive, encouraging people in my life that have said how proud they are of what Rich & I are doing. That I am "so good...so selfless...so giving". While I appreciate their efforts, I've found myself getting almost irritated at their comments.

Because the thing is...I'm not any of those things. I'm actually incredibly selfish. I like to sleep in. I want to keep my things for me & my family. I don't like to share my "good leftovers". I like to watch whatever I want to on TV.

Yeah, it's great to hear people say nice things about you. Surely I am not the only one who feels that way! Sometimes I get a little prideful, if I'm being totally honest. Because it's been really hard having the girls here, for so many reasons There have definitely been more than a few days that I wish we could just go back to June when I got the phone call about the girls and just say NO!

But the thing is, I know that I am not alone in this. I knew that if He brought them to us, He would equip us to care for them. By saying "yes" out of obedience to the Lord, I was also saying "yes" to HIS plans. Not mine.

His timelines. Not mine.
His desires. Not mine.
His meaning of love. Not mine.

There has been and continues to be so much uncertainty about the girls. So many questions that we have- and that we are asked by others- and we just don't have the answers yet. When will the girls go home? Will they go home or will they end up in Foster Care? How do you know things will even be better if they do go home?

My answer: I don't know. But I trust that the Lord cares for these precious, precious children. He knows them uniquely. He knows their hearts. He knows their deepest desires. And He cares so deeply for them. So while yes, it's very hard to have 2 children who are not "mine" in my home, I know that the Lord has been with us every step of the way. And yes, it will be very hard when they eventually leave our home, but I know that He will go with them.

I am not the perfect mother. I am not a hero.
I am just a mom who said yes.