It can be both.

About 8 months ago, we left our church.

We started attending a few weeks before our wedding and had been there almost 8 years. Some of our closest friends were people we had met at church. They knew us as newlyweds and watched us add each of our 5 babies to our family. We have lived a lot of life with those friends, and it was extremely painful to leave. However, we strongly felt God calling us somewhere else.

Now, this isn't exactly the ideal season in life to uproot your community. Life is crazy with 5 little kids, and there are so many things that make it hard to meet new people and invest in those relationships. But we were so thankful for the way God was using our new church, Willow Creek. We were starting to get involved and meet new people.

And then in April, the Bill Hybels article was published in the Chicago Tribune. All around us, people are devastated by the news. There is tangible pain among our church body. People are grieving the loss of trust in our leadership, and the recent changes in staff. People are left with really big questions and such deep sadness.

So how can it be that the very same church has been such a source of comfort and hope for us? How can the same place that has been painful for so many others actually provide healing to us? Can it be both?

I feel like God has been saying to be recently that YES, it can absolutely be both. God has used Willow to bring a sense of belonging and healing to us. Little by little, God has redeemed some of the hurts we have experienced in the decision to leave our old church. And it's also true that many people are feeling hurt and confused by Willow. I feel like God is asking us to live in that tension. Just because there are two strong yet conflicting emotions doesn't mean they can't be felt by the same person, sometimes even simultaneously.

In a different way, I feel this "both" tension in regard to Eleanor going to kindergarten. She is 100% ready and I know she will do great. She is smart, kind and compassionate. But I also feel a huge amount of sadness in this sending of our first baby into the world. Can it be both? Can I be totally ready to send her to school all day while also being super sad about it?

I think it can be both.